Welcome to the Universe
by alienyouthct
Summary: Tara embraces "come as you aren't" and lets loose for Halloween. She never could have imagined the consequences.
1. Chapter 1

Title: _Welcome to the Universe  
_ Author: JoeHundredaire  
Rating: R/FR18.  
Disclaimer: Right, I actually went and checked to be sure this time… after being passed around like a slut at a frat party over the past few years, _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ , _Angel: the Series_ , and all associated characters now belong to Warner Brothers. And while George Lucas used to own _Star Wars_ and all related characters and concepts, he sold it to Disney and so now we actually get decent female characters. Hallelujah! At the end of the day, though, not mine, don't sue, and so forth and so on.  
Summary: Tara embraces "come as you aren't" and lets loose for Halloween. She never could have imagined the consequences.  
Joe's Note: There's been… let me count the variations. _Fall of the Jedi_ (Tara/OC) back as a side story to _Ultimate Arachnia_ , then _Run This Town_ (Tara/Cordelia), _Spynpsycle_ (Tara/Cordelia, Xander/OC), and _Pyrrhic Victory_ (Tara/Cordelia, Xander/OC/OC) were all posted on different sites at different times, sharing a core concept that I've been tinkering with since… sometime before I installed Microsoft Office 2008 in January of that year and converted previous documents to the newer DOCX format. A long time, at any rate. The crux of why I've always had a problem following through with the idea, though, is something that a lot of YAHFs run into: what do you do after Halloween? In this case, returning the characters to normal or almost so was a complete non-starter. So… what do you do with aliens on Earth? Apart from turning the story into a _Stargate SG-1_ crossover and having them ally with the SGC, that is? After spinning my wheels while pondering that question for over seven years now, I finally have an answer. You remove them from Earth. Finally, as you'll notice from date tagging here, I've pushed the timeline for _Buffy_ forward considerably. Mostly because I use a lot of material from the recent EU - particularly the cartoon and WotC RPG - and also figure it'll be easier to use current pop culture and technology than it would be to try and remember what life was like back when I was in eighth grade.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Eric, DireSquirrel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Joseph, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Dimitria, William, Paul, Pat, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

 ** _September 25, 2014_**

* * *

"You know, Mama, when you told me things were going to be different once we got away from Dad… I can honestly say this wasn't what I was picturing." As her mother proceeded to have a good long laugh at her expense, Tara Maclay shot another look up at the bright orange letters that adorned the otherwise mundane, grey-sided building in front of her. Through the windows, she could make out a varied but overwhelmingly male clientele enjoying beer, fried foods, and an assortment of sporting events shown on huge flatscreen televisions… and busty waitresses in incredibly short orange shorts. "I know you're trying to make up for how he treated me by being supportive and all, but really? Hooters?"

Shaking her head, Rebecca Maclay opened the door for Tara and followed her daughter inside. "Well, it's not an entirely selfless offer. Sure, I get to look like a cool, supportive mom by bringing you somewhere you can stare at pretty girls in small outfits. But…" Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply through her nose before smiling. "Smell that? That's the smell of Hooters' hot wings, baby girl. And while you may be here for the breasts and thighs, I am most definitely here for the wings."

Tara blushed brightly at that, ducking her head and letting her black hair slide forward to hide her flushed face. "Mama!" Scowling, she kicked the side of her mother's sneaker with her boot. "You're so mean to me sometimes." And personally, Tara associated the smell in question with her mother wandering the house whining or swearing profusely while chugging from their bottle of Pepto but to each their own. Crossing her arms over her chest, she blew her hair out of one eye and stared petulantly at her mother. "So in other words, you're using me liking girls as an excuse to come here and destroy your intestines."

"Welcome to Hooters of Sunnydale. My name is Jessica." Okay, on second thought, maybe being used wasn't such a bad thing. Tara did her best to keep her eyes on the redhead's face - and her drool in her mouth - as the young woman gave them a smile. "You're both Passers, but we have more room in the back right now so unless-" Her mother shook her head, leaving Tara confused as the hostess was cut off, but she didn't have long to stand around pondering things. Marking something down, Jessica grabbed two menus and hugged them to her chest with one arm as she gestured for them to follow her. As they approached a pair of large wooden doors marked 'DO NOT ENTER, STAFF ONLY', she called back to them over her shoulder. "Just so you know, there's no violence and while most of our girls aren't the fighting type, we do have some damn big boys working the fryers. And they get really pissed if they have to leave something to burn so they can come out here and bust heads."

The seemingly random warning actually made Tara look up from where she'd been watching the redhead's swaying hips, staring at the back of the woman's head in confusion. Did they really seem like the types who would… oh. Tara stumbled to a stop just inside the doors as Jessica held up one hand, watching with wide eyes as a woman walked past balancing a tray on each of her four hands, her hair a shocking bubblegum pink and her skin a similar, albeit more muted, shade. A tap on her shoulder made Tara look back at her grinning mother. "No, I'm using you liking girls as an excuse to come here, destroy my intestines, and chat with other demons. Hey, Frank!" Across the room, a chaos demon perked up and waved to them. "Did you ever find a new place to live? We're finally unpacked if you want the guest room…"

'Frank' shook his head, pointing at the two demons he was sitting with. "Thanks, but I'm set. The three of us found this amazing house over on Revello Drive. The price was… to die for." The three demons broke into loud laughter as Jessica led them over, minimizing the group's need to shout back and forth. Seeing the disapproving look on Rebecca's face, Frank quickly explained himself. "We didn't do it, honest. Vampires got the last owners and then we picked it up fair and square. We're thinking of buying up a few more houses in the neighborhood and renting them out, actually. Sure we'd have to be really careful about who we moved in, but after that… it's like printing money. The houses are well built, most realtors sell fully furnished because they don't want to bother cleaning each place out after the last owner dies, and, well, we hear the Slayer's not too bright. I bet she'll never think to look for demons on her own block."

"You actually moved in next to the Slayer? On purpose?" Rebecca let out a low whistle at that. "Well, remember to mention us in your will, okay? If you're wrong, I want your LP collection. Especially the ZZ Top ones. I'd miss you, of course, but if it meant I finally got a copy of _ZZ Top's First Album_ …"

Lifting a hand, Frank offered her a rude gesture that Rebecca laughed off before motioning for Jessica to continue onward. The redhead led them over to an empty table and set the menus down before smiling brightly at them. "Courtney will be over in a few minutes to take your order. Thank you for coming and we hope you enjoy your visit." And with that, she was off, stopping to chat at a few of the other tables before disappearing back out into the front of the restaurant.

Rebecca could only shake her head in amusement as she watched the redhead go. "Vampires shouldn't be allowed to be that peppy. It's unnatural." That made Tara blink; Jessica was a what now? She couldn't be… could she? Then again, it was after dark and so the many windows weren't an issue, not to mention that she'd been able to sense the demon blood in Tara and her mother. And a vampire could pass as human to work the front half of the restaurant while still having the supernatural 'cred' to be accepted by those who would be dining in the back… and the strength to defend herself if something went wrong. Huh. The more she thought about it, the more sense it actually made. Tara was drawn from her thoughts as her mother reached out and tugged on a strand of her long black hair. "So I take it that your attempt to commune with Lady Clairol this afternoon didn't go too well?"

Sitting back, Tara rolled her eyes at the woman's need to state the obvious. Ever since her mother had left her father, brothers, and the family farm behind and taken Tara to live in Sunnydale, her dirty blonde locks had been slowly darkening, finally ending up as black as coal. At first she'd lived in denial, trying to blame it on her transition from a mainly outdoors lifestyle to an indoor heavy one, but when a box of the palest blonde dye they could find failed to lighten her hair in the least… "I left it in for twice the recommended time and all it did was make me dizzy. It's official: the Hellmouth has something against blondes."

"No offense, dear, but we are drawing on magic that's polluted by a portal to a hell dimension. I warned you that it would probably cause some sort of physical manifestation. You're one-quarter reptomammalian in case you've forgotten; black hair is nothing. Consider yourself lucky that you're not growing scales or something." Her mother had a point, Tara realized. A gross point, sure, but a point nonetheless. "Besides, if the dye had worked and you'd gone back to your old look? What would we have done with all your new clothes?"

Tara shot a look down at her black t-shirt and blue and green plaid ankle-length bondage skirt before snorting. Like trading this look in for something… anything… else would be that horrible. It had been a bit of a gamble for her after she'd noticed her hair darkening: figuring there would probably be a clique of gothic girls at her new school, Tara had convinced her mother to invest in a new school wardrobe that would go well with her darkening hair and lightening skin. Except that had gone on to blow up spectacularly in her face: the goth girls thought she was too nice while the nice girls thought she was too goth, leaving her with a wardrobe of clothes that she still didn't feel entirely at home in and she was still a friendless wallflower. Not that she thought switching back to what her mother had dubbed her 'ren faire chic' look would help with the latter, but at least then she'd be a more comfortable wallflower instead of a black-clad, evil-looking wallflower.

Even after a full month, attending public school still felt incredibly strange to Tara. But with her mother now working two jobs to make ends meet, homeschooling just wasn't an option anymore and so it was one of the sacrifices she found herself making in exchange for the new freedoms she enjoyed. She just wished that her first attempt at public schooling didn't involve the Slayer. Sunnydale High was home to more people each day than her entire hometown back in Kentucky. Dealing with that was nerve-wracking enough. Knowing that one of the teenage girls wandering the halls with her was a supernaturally empowered demon killer, on the other hand? That easily took things from nerve-wracking to downright terrifying. Sure, she wasn't too demonic looking - only the bone skewers on the undersides of her arms identified her as anything more than a normal human - but Slayers weren't exactly known for their reasoning abilities. More like their hacking, slashing, and staking abilities.

Setting aside further contemplation of fashion, friends, and ancestral foes for later, Tara turned her attention back to the menu. Unlike her mother, she had no real desire to destroy her digestive tract with buffalo wings. Or a buffalo chicken salad. Or a buffalo chicken sandwich. Which, when dining at a restaurant dedicated to toxic orange wings and girls in orange short shorts, didn't leave her many choices. Then one entry caught her eye. 'PHILLY CHEESE STEAK: Onions, green peppers, mushrooms, provolone cheese. We have a big steak in this one.' Goddess. What a horrible pun. Tasty sounding, but still a horrible pun.

"Hello, my name is Courtney, welcome to Hooters of Sunnydale. Can I start you two off with something to drink?" The new voice made Tara jump and look up… and then the staring began. Oddly enough, it wasn't the waitress's remarkably large bust that her eyes were drawn to, either. As she continued to gawk, the blonde cleared her throat impatiently. "I don't mind if you want to stare, sweetie, but you do need to squeeze in some ordering somewhere. You're not my only table, you know."

Neither the waitress's words nor her chest - and it was a very nice chest indeed - could distract Tara from… "Y-you're an elf."

Raising her hand, Courtney held a finger in front of her pointed ear and slowly drew Tara's gaze across to rest on her face. Once that was accomplished, she shook her head and Tara watched in disbelief as the woman's blond bob abruptly darkened to a nice chocolate brown before growing out to touch her shoulders. "Actually, I'm not. I just play one on TV. Listen, you're not one of those ear fetish types or anything, are you? Because I'm fine with people staring at my boobs or my butt or my legs - I mean, look at where I work - but my ears… that's just kinda weird."

"Well, a Sam Adams sounds great right about now. Tall. Because I think I'm going to need the big one if we're going to start talking about my daughter's sexual fetishes…" Letting out a squeak of embarrassment, Tara buried her blushing face in her hands at her mother's words. "And since she probably won't be doing anything other than blushing and wishing she could disappear for the next few minutes… Diet Pepsi for her." A few quick scratches of a pen against paper, the squeak of sneakers against the wooden floor, and then they were alone again. "Oh stop that. It's not my fault you couldn't just stare at her ginormous chest like a normal customer."

Tara raised her head, staring at her mother incredulously. "Wait a minute. It's my own fault you embarrassed me? And it happened because I'm not a pervert?"

Turning in her seat, her mother pointed out each of the waitresses working the back room before returning her gaze to Tara's. "The girls here are hired for one reason and only one reason, Tare-bear, and it isn't their IQ. She gets paid to let people stare at her chest. She's used to that. Her ears, obviously not so much. Probably because compared to everything else back here, pointy ears is nothing. But think about it, Tara. How would you feel if someone sat there staring at your arms?"

Well personally she wouldn't be too keen on people staring at any part of her, but Tara understood what her mother was saying. "Uncomfortable." Seeking to redirect the conversation, she cast about for a new topic before deciding to go with the obvious. "So did you have a good day at work today?"

"Eh, work was worky. I worked. Then I left as fast as possible." Shrugging, her mother picked up her menu and began perusing it again. Tara didn't understand why; they both knew she was getting a platter of wings. "And you? How was school today?"

Looking down at her black nails, Tara absently inspected them for chips as she replied to her mother's question. "It was school. I learned. Then I left as fast as possible. I still haven't figured out who the Slayer is but I know she's in the building with me, which makes it really hard to relax and pay attention to what's going on in class. And nobody wants to talk to me because all the different cliques think I belong somewhere else."

Her mother leaned forward, reaching across the table to grip her hand tightly. "I'm sorry, Tara. But you know why I had to go. And I couldn't just leave you there…"

"Mama, he was hitting you!" Tara looked up, giving her mother's hand a squeeze. "I'm not blaming you for leaving. And we both know he didn't like me because I took after you. If you'd left me behind, he probably would have turned me into his new punching bag. I'm glad we left. I just miss having people to talk to." Even if they were her jerk of a father and equally unpleasant brothers.

Rebecca sighed and pulled her hand away, resting her elbow on the table and planting her chin in her palm. "It's my fault. I should have seen the real him when I married him, if not earlier. He was a sorry little man who hated anything supernatural unless it was useful to him. He was hoping that I would give him boys that he could raise and then use against those who he thought were out to get him. Instead, I gave him three average sons and an extraordinary daughter who was the only one to inherit either my magic or my demonic traits." Tara smiled at the praise; she was still unused to it after so many years of her father's vitriol. "Back to the future, though… I can't do anything about your Slayer problem, but maybe we can do something about your people problem?"

If only it were that easy. Tara sighed and shook her head. "Like I said, everyone thinks I belong in someone else's clique. I'm too scary for the normal girls, not scary enough for the goth girls, too sober for the stoner girls - and I'm pretty sure you'd make me miss Dad's whoopings if you ever caught me with drugs…" Holding out her arm underside up, Tara forced the tip of her bone skewer out. "And there's these, of course. Which is the real problem; even if I had some idea of how to move between the different groups and make friends, how would I keep them when they finally found out I wasn't human like them?"

"Tara… sweetie… you do realize I went to high school, right? And I looked like I do right now?" Reaching up, Rebecca ghosted her fingers over her necklace, deactivating the glamour that hid her true appearance from the world. "Well, I looked younger at the time but you know what I mean. Greenish skin, skewers, et cetera. I had friends, too. A few boyfriends, even, much to your grandfather's annoyance. It's just a matter of finding the right people."

Courtney's return with a twenty-two ounce beer and Tara's significantly smaller glass of soda brought a temporary halt to their conversation. "Alright, are we ready to order or do we need more time?"

Closing her menu, Rebecca passed it to their waitress before checking her watch. "Well, it's Thursday and after five o'clock… that means bottomless bone-in wings, right?" Courtney nodded, and Rebecca rubbed her hands together in excitement. "Excellent. I'll start with 3 Mile Island, with a side of bleu cheese. What about you, Tara?"

After giving the menu one last looking over, Tara pouted. She was trying to watch her weight… but the entrees that 'Dr. Hootie' identified as being healthy were few and far between and not particularly appetizing looking at that. Finally, she decided to take a piece of advice from one of the few sermons that had actually penetrated her brain over the fifteen years her father had dragged her to church: sin and sin boldly. "The Philly Cheese Steak, please. Beef. Which doesn't make much sense because don't all steaks come from cows?"

"Last time I checked, yeah. I've never understood the chicken option either and nobody's ordered one as long as I've worked here so… who knows? Maybe it's like putting a wild haggis dish on the menu and the bosses just did it for a laugh?" Shrugging, Courtney scribbled their order down before tucking the pad into the pouch hanging at her hip. "Alright, I'll get that right in. We're not too busy right now so I'm thinking ten minutes, fifteen tops."

Courtney wandered off to serve another table, Tara tilting her head to one side to get the best view. Then something brushed against the back of her hand and she jerked her attention back to her bemused mother. "You are many things, Tare-bear, but I think we can officially say that subtle is not one of them."

Instinctively Tara went to duck her head in embarrassment, only to halt when her eyes came to rest on the wad of money in her mother's hand. Her eyes widened as it was pressed between her unresisting fingers, and then grew even larger as she ran her thumb along the side and took in the sheer thickness of the bundle of bills she was holding. "What's this?"

Rebecca gently closed Tara's fingers around the bills before leaning back with a self-satisfied grin. "It's for you, obviously. To help you find the right people."

"…I'm confused." Because according to what her mother had always taught her, those who tried to buy friends were shallow, pathetic people who ultimately ended up with lots of sycophants and fake friends but nobody who would actually stand them when they needed help. That, and Tara was pretty sure that 'buying friends' wasn't supposed to be literal, so she wasn't entirely sure where the overly large wad of bills came into things. Furrowing her brow, she began counting the money she held: mostly twenties, with a few tens mixed in. "And this is a lot of money…"

"About six hundred dollars, give or take." Tara abruptly dropped the money onto the table, staring at it in horror. She had a good idea how much money her mother brought home each week, and therefore knew there was no way they could afford to spend this much money on anything, much less her lack of a social life. "Oh, don't worry, it's not mine. Your father probably won't even notice I took it from his not-so-secret stash until he goes looking for money to buy Christmas presents with. Just think of it as a great big 'screw you' for all the times he bought your brothers things but ignored you. And since it's also his fault that you didn't get to grow up a normal girl and learn how to play nice with others and make friends… all the more reason to spend it on this."

While her discomfort with the idea of spending so much money on herself was starting to fade, Tara was still left with the fact that… "Maybe I'm s-stupid or something, but I still don't get why you're giving me all this money, Mama."

Rebecca groaned and buried her face in her hands. "I know we never really celebrated it when you were growing up, but please tell me you know what the last day of October is to normal people?"

"Halloween?"

"Okay, good, I was worried there for a second. Yes, Halloween. The one day a year when everyone is expected to come as they aren't. In your case, we can take that to a whole new level." Rebecca looked up, only to sigh at the confused expression that continued to grace Tara's face. "To quote the oversized man with the pink umbrella… 'Yer a wizard, Tare-y'. With that money and our magic, we can turn you into whatever you want for Halloween. Then you can sneak into a party or something, meet and mingle, and figure out how to make friends without any of them knowing they're dealing with the 'scary but not' girl."

That sounded… brilliant, actually. Well, the sneaking part sounded a bit scary but maybe the courage to pull it off would come once she was safely hidden behind the anonymity of her costume. "And once I have some practice with actually talking to people who aren't you, I can go back to school and hopefully figure out how to make some friends. Maybe even keep some of the ones I make on Halloween, if I make any." Sure it wasn't a perfect or instant solution; she'd still have to make the friends and figure out how to determine who the 'right' ones were, but it was a path to a solution at least. Nibbling on her lower lip, Tara racked her brain to try and find an answer to the one remaining problem with the plan, only to come up blank. "Except… what should I go as?"

Rebecca shrugged. "Whatever you want, really. Well, whatever you want within reason. No throwing a sheet over yourself and going as a ghost or anything. Hmm. Well, I dressed up for all four years of high school. Maybe you can reuse one of those ideas?" Tara raised an eyebrow at that and she began ticking them off on her fingers. "Elvish maiden… pirate wench… naughty cop… naughty nurse… maybe we could do some kind of naughty schoolgirl and give you some pigtails so you can't hide behind that hair of yours…"

As her mother continued on, offering increasingly more risqué suggestions, Tara found herself staring at the woman in disbelief. The more time they spent away from Kentucky, the more she realized… she didn't really know the woman at all.


	2. Chapter 2

Joe's Note: You're probably noticing that I scrapped Tara's stutter here. To be blunt, to write an effective stutter you need to come up with consistent rules and I lacked the time to A.) rewatch Seasons 4 through 6 to see what the writers did and/or B.) create rules based on real world speech impediments and possibly impose them if the writers had fucked up. Which they probably did, since Whedon and his minions are notorious for their lack of research. So if you really want it, I wrote what she's saying. Just add a little back in like she had in canon and enjoy. And if the lack of s-s-stutter really affects the readability of her scenes that much to you… I'm probably doing something wrong.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Eric, DireSquirrel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Joseph, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Dimitria, William, Paul, Pat, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

 ** _September 27, 2014_**

* * *

Sifting through yet another rack of costumes, Tara sighed. While she still had over a month to go before Halloween, not knowing what she wanted to dress up as was turning their trip to Los Angeles an exercise in futility, at least as far as she was concerned. How could she go about looking for the right costume when she didn't even know what she was looking for? Her mother had offered several suggestions but none of them seemed quite right for her. None of these costumes seemed right either. Maybe she'd be better off just staying home on Halloween and helping hand out candy?

This was the last store on the block and her mom had directions to two more stores a few minutes away before they called it a day and headed home. But if anywhere was going to have something that caught her interest, Tara thought, this would be it. Not only did the store have the regular assortment of cheaper Halloween costumes available for purchase, but they also offered a consignment service so that smaller costume makers could enjoy the benefits of a physical storefront in the weeks leading up to Halloween without the massive investment of time, money, and effort. Which meant that not only were there the cheap, mass produced licensed outfits but also things that looked like they'd been stolen from the set of a television show or movie. If the right costume for her wasn't here… did it even exist?

Dismissing the last _Lord of the Rings_ costume in the fantasy section, she moved onwards to the science fiction area. Pausing as she heard a familiar voice, Tara poked her head around the end of the aisle and saw Cordelia Chase of all people standing in the superhero section admiring… unless her vision was suddenly failing her, Tara was pretty sure that was Catwoman's current costume. Or at least it was the costume Tara remembered the character wearing as of when her father had threatened to cut her brother's allowance if he didn't stop wasting it on 'those faggoty picture books of his'. Thoughts of her former home life were abruptly and thoroughly shoved from her mind as the mental image of the cheerleader as Catwoman popped into Tara's head. Wow. She was going to look so sexy. Not that she didn't look sexy most of the time, but black PVC definitely trumped both Cordelia's normal clothes and even her cheerleading uniform in the sexiness department.

In an effort to keep herself from devolving into a Homer Simpson-worthy droolfest, Tara pushed those mental images away and moved onward towards her destination. It was her secret shame, and a rather surprising one given she'd grown up without cable or a decent local movie theater: she was a sucker for all things sci-fi. Her eyes swept back and forth, easily cataloging props and costumes from assorted television shows and movies. Nearest to her was a bayonet-equipped laser rifle from the original _Battlestar Galactica_ , followed by a few copies of the Colonial Warrior uniform worn by Apollo, Starbuck, and Boomer, which in turn hung beside a mixture of uniforms and flight suits from the 2003 remake and even one very blushworthy red dress waiting for someone daring enough to dress as Six for Halloween. They'd also managed to assemble a complete costume for Chiana from _Farscape_ \- clothes, wig, body paint, the works - along with several others from that series and most of the mains from _Andromeda_. But they were just a small fraction of what the store had to offer, serving as a buffer between Fantasy and the multiple aisles of _Star Trek_ and _Star Wars_ products.

After a quick game of 'eeny, meeny, miny, moe', Tara decided to start with the _Star Trek_ half of things. She was pretty sure that her costume, if it even came from this store, would come from the other side of the sci-fi section but it never hurt to explore all one's options. Even given their consignment service, how the place had gotten there hands on fairly authentic Borg and Klingon Defense Force costumes, Tara had no idea… but neither was available for women making it a moot point even if she was interested in them. They did have Bajoran militia uniforms for women - mostly red like Nerys's but also some grey and brown - but if she was going to put the effort into any sort of fancy prosthetic makeup, it'd be for more than just a slightly funky nose. And she didn't have enough holes in her right ear to pull off a proper Bajoran earring.

"Psst. Tara." Jumping a bit, the black-haired girl looked over to find that her mother had somehow snuck up on her and was holding out a very familiar blue velour minidress. "What do you think of Nurse Maclay? Or…" Digging through the rack of costumes, she emerged with a red version. "Yeoman Maclay? You could even add some pointy ears like that waitress's… 'not wanting to be my friend would be illogical'. Or you could add green skin to that black hair and be an Orion. Oh! Or you could be really unrecognizable… we could do blue skin, a white wig, and use magic to make some animated antennae for you."

Tara tried to picture herself as an Andorian but couldn't quite manage it. An Orion wasn't any better, while the Vulcan had some potential but again fell into the same category as a Bajoran: work for not much result. As for the uniform itself… "Um, do they have any of the uniforms from the two newest movies?" Her mother nodded, jerking her finger back over her shoulder. "Can you see if they have a red one in my size? As a maybe option for if we don't find anything better?"

Shrugging, Rebecca returned both the blue and red minidresses to the rack before eyeing Tara critically. "I'm really starting to feel like you're not taking this seriously, Tare-bear. But that's fine. Just remember that handing out candy is a one-woman job. Costume or not, party to crash or not, I'm tossing you out on your witchy little butt for the night. So either figure out a costume so you can follow the little plan we came up with or… well, Frank runs kitten poker nights on Fridays. Doubt he's gonna cancel because it's Halloween. You can go spend the night with him if you want."

As her mother walked away, Tara shuddered. Any naïveté she might have harbored about the fate of those kittens had been shattered in one nausea-inducing conversation with Frank. Straightening up, she marched towards the _Star Wars_ section with renewed determination. Because while the idea of dressing herself up and trying to force her way into the school's social scene still scared her, the idea of playing poker for kittens was so much worse in her book. Upon reaching her destination, though, she found herself faltering as her determination melted away to be replaced by unadulterated awe. They had everything a _Star Wars_ geek could ever want here: latex prosthetics for a number of different alien species, an army's worth of blasters, lightsabers, Jedi robes, and dozens of assorted pieces that an enterprising person could use to cobble together a costume to wear along with the blaster or prosthetics they picked up here. "Holy crap. I just hit the mother lode."

"You're not wrong." Even after being spooked earlier by her mother, Tara still couldn't keep herself from jumping at the sudden voice behind her, spinning around to discover that Cordelia of all people was standing there looking… almost bemused? "It's why we're here. Specifically the prosthetics. I could have ordered one of them off of Etsy, but Kat wanted to see things in person before asking me to spend that kind of money. The story behind them is kinda gross; Kat got to hear it all when the guy who makes these was trying to chat her up online." Brushing past Tara, Cordelia reached out and picked up one of the Twi'lek headpieces. "He made the first set of headtails because he wanted to bone his girlfriend while she was a blue alien girl, then figured out that he could make more of them and sell them for a profit. And then he realized that the Togruta and Twi'lek are really similar, and decided to expand his offerings. Not sure why he made the squid people and don't really care, to be honest. Feel kinda weird knowing that I'm buying something that a geek designed as part of a kinky sex thing, but Kat says it's the best intersection of price and quality so… guess I'm stuck."

Eww. Tara had actually been pondering buying one - while getting into costume would involve considerable work, the payoff would probably be worth it as opposed to the Orion or the Vulcan - but after hearing that… wait. Cordelia was here to buy a Twi'lek headpiece for Halloween? The dark-haired girl watched as Cordelia turned the prosthetic over in her hands a few more times before returning it to the shelf and grabbing a Togruta headpiece instead. Okay, same question, species swapped. Between this and what she'd seen Cordelia eyeing earlier… had she stumbled into some bizarre, Twilight Zone alternate universe where being nerdy was suddenly cool? "So, um, Cordelia. Catwoman or a galaxy far, far away? Neither really seems very… you. No offense."

Cordelia groaned, rolling her eyes as she turned to face Tara. "It's not. But _Star Wars_ is Kat's thing, or at least one of her things. And since I want to make her happy, I'm going to bite the bullet and…" Trailing off, she narrowed her eyes at the dark-haired girl. "Wait a minute. Do I know you?"

"…you're kidding, right? Out of eight classes this semester, I sit near you in three of them. And we have phys ed together." Tara groaned as Cordelia stared at her blankly. "The really stupid blonde girl you hang out with thinks it's funny to call me 'Tara No-lay' because she thinks I'd have to pay a guy to pay attention to me?" Not that she wanted a guy to pay attention to her, much less do things with her, but that was none of Cordelia's business.

Scoffing, Cordelia waved her free hand dismissively. "You say that like you think any of us actually listen to what comes out of Harmony's mouth. Now that you mention it, you're kinda familiar but…" Cordelia snapped her fingers and then pointed at Tara as comprehension dawned. "The Not-Really-a-Goth Girl. We've been trying to figure out what your story is since you showed up but since none of us want to actually come and talk to you, we haven't gotten too far with that."

Tara's lips quirked upward at that. "You're talking to me now."

"Well yeah, because you're right here in between me and what I need to look at. I can be a titanic bitch when I want to be, but even I draw the line at shoving you out of the way and then ignoring you. And I could ask you what your story is now, but I can think of better uses for my time. Like…" Cordelia trailed off as a pale hand came down on her shoulder, her lips curling upward in a remarkably warm smile as she peered back at the hand's owner. "Hey. Find anything you liked?"

"Considering that we're supposed to be going in coordinated costumes and I literally just reached the _Star Wars_ section, what do you think?" Even as Cordelia made an exasperated noise, the taller girl let her hand trail along Cordelia's shoulders slowly before sliding down as she wrapped her arm around the brunette's waist. Tara furrowed her brow, trying to place the girl before realizing why she couldn't: she was too old to be one of their classmates. Not by much; Tara would have put her in her early twenties at most, maybe a junior or senior in college. But she definitely wasn't a high schooler. She was pretty, though, with pale skin and big blue eyes and brown hair that hung halfway down her back. The girl stared back at Tara just as curiously, looking her up and down slowly before finally turning to Cordelia. "Making a new friend?"

Cordelia appeared to consider that for a few seconds before finally shrugging and gesturing in Tara's direction. "Kat, this is Tara Maclay. Evidently she's in more of my classes than I realized this year. Tara… this is Kat McKee. My girlfriend."

Opening her mouth to respond with a generic pleasantry, Tara found herself coming up empty as her brain tried to wrap itself around those last two words. Cordelia was… the head cheerleader, the most popular girl at her school was… "I, uh, assume you don't mean that in that appropriative, popular girl, 'just gals being pals' sort of way?" The look she received in response reminded her so much of her mother's 'I know I didn't raise someone that stupid' look that she actually look a step backward. "Huh. Neat. Welcome to the winning team, I guess?"

"If we're a team, I'm pretty sure that I'm the captain and you're that one player who spends every game riding the bench." Cordelia paused as Kat cleared her throat loudly before amending that statement. "Okay, I'm the co-captain. The dateless wonder burn still applies." Even as Tara bristled a bit at that - while Cordelia certainly wasn't wrong in saying it, she really didn't enjoy having her social pariah status rubbed in her face - the brunette pulled away from Kat and closed the distance between them, leaning in and lowering her voice as her lips brushed against Tara's ear. "My friends know about Kat but nobody else does. If the rest of our classmates find out, I'll know who told them and I will end you."

The outright malice in Cordelia's voice made the hairs on the back of Tara's neck stand up, the bone skewers embedded in her arms slowly sliding outward in response to the threat. Before she could do something that she would regret once her fight or flight instinct faded, though, a hand grabbed Cordelia by the ear and pulled her out of easy stabbing range. "I swear to God, you are the most uncivilized rich girl I've ever met. Not that I know many, but still. With social skills like that, no wonder you have minions but no real friends." Releasing her girlfriend, Kat shot Tara an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, she was raised by wolves. Really rich wolves."

Tara found herself giggling softly in spite of herself as Cordelia let out an indignant huff before stalking off to look at costumes, the Togruta prosthetic tucked under one arm as she went. So assuming that she hadn't simply forgotten she was holding it when she attempted a dramatic exit, Sunnydale High's head cheerleader really was headed to the galaxy far, far away for Halloween and in very eye-catching fashion at that. That made Tara feel a lot better about her own plans for the night; if Cordelia was doing it, then people wouldn't be able to mock her costume without indirectly insulting the most popular girl in school. Nice. "It's okay. I'm used to it."

"You shouldn't be, though. Maybe it's because I've been out of school for a few years, but it all just seems so… unnecessary. I get that people don't like people, that's just human nature. But if I don't like someone? I avoid them. I don't go out of my way to bother them." Kat thought for a few seconds before shrugging and then beckoning for Tara to follow her as she went in the opposite direction of Cordelia, heading for the weapon props. "Honestly, I just can't be bothered to. Time wasted bothering people is time I could be spending doing something I actually enjoy. Like working on my cosplays. Or seeing Cordelia."

Eyes going wide, Tara stumbled and barely managed to avoid slamming into Kat as the lithe girl came to an abrupt stop in front of the lightsaber display. Kat cosplayed? Cordelia was dating a cosplayer? Okay, cheerleaders and cosplayers weren't quite the Capulets and the Montagues but as far as romances went, it was a pretty damn unlikely pairing. "I have so many questions I want to ask you."

Kat reached out to grab a pair of silver and black lightsabers with curved hilts, hefting them and testing their weight before pointing back over her shoulder with one. "Well, if you want to pick out a _Star Wars_ -themed costume so that you can blend in with the rest of us? Cordelia and I are going to spending most of Halloween at the Bronze and her friends are… I swear that every time Harmony says something to me, one or two of my brain cells commit suicide. It'll be nice to have someone intelligent to talk to. And I'm pretty sure that Cordelia is better behaved around me than she is at school, if that helps any?"

The rest of them? Cordelia and her friends were all dressing up as _Star Wars_ characters for Halloween? Or at least the friends who were close enough to hang out with Cordelia for the night were? That settled it, she was definitely in some kind of geek-friendly alternate universe… and she had no desire to find her way home. Offering a playful salute, Tara turned on her heel and then paused. She didn't know much about popular girls, but she did know one thing. "Um, maybe. Do you know who's going as what? I don't want to show up in the same costume, especially since they'd probably wear it better."

"Cordelia's going as a Togruta, obviously. Other than that…" Kat shrugging before bringing her fingers up to her lips and whistling sharply. Cordelia's head popped up over one of the shelves, and Kat nodded in Tara's direction. "She might be coming with us for Halloween. Can you tell her which one of your friends is dressing up as what? Because I'm going to be honest, the afternoon you all came over to plan things out? You were wearing that really low-cut purple blouse I bought you and so I really wasn't paying attention to the conversation."

"…that's fair. I do have amazing breasts, after all. I'd ask why the girl I just threatened is suddenly being included in our plans for the night but literally everyone else coming along is my friend and so I'd probably come off looking like a bitch if I tried to argue against you bringing someone." Cordelia made a beckoning gesture, and Tara hustled down the aisle and around the end before making her way back up the next aisle toward the brunette. Coming to a stop a few feet away, Tara eyed the girl warily; Cordelia had threatened her with bodily harm and hadn't exactly apologized for it… "Oh please, like I'd do anything to you where there are witnesses." Not helping! "Seriously, stop looking at me like that. Kat seems to like you, so you're safe. For now." Still not helping! "Okay, so, none of us are doing actual characters for Halloween; Kat had us pull slips from a hat because she thought it'd be rude to play favorites even though she's my girlfriend and so obviously I'm her favorite. I pulled Togruta, obviously. I'm really surprised that Kat doesn't remember at least one other, considering she made jokes and then had to explain them… Harmony is going as a Zeltron."

Tara bit her lip, feeling a little of her lingering unease drain away as she snickered softly at that news. "Harmony is a Zeltron. I… from what I've heard about her, that's very appropriate."

The corner of Cordelia's mouth quirked up at that. "From what I've read about Zeltrons? Yes. Yes, it is. Moving on, Lani got Twi'lek but traded it to Aphrodesia for Nautolan. I thought she was insane at first - sure, she's the captain of the swim team but she's not made out of money - but she set up a GoFundMe to pay for her costume and promised to do an in-water shoot after Halloween and send a print to everyone who donated more than ten bucks. Last I heard, she'd gotten enough money for the entire costume, extra body paint, two more bathing suits, she's renting the pool at the Hyatt Regency Westlake for an afternoon to do the shoot, and she's hired a professional to handle her fishgirl transformation that day. I think the next stretch goal is picking up two separate professional photographers to capture the action? It's ridiculous." Wow. A little. Also, she needed to see if she could borrow her mother's credit card when they got home; Hokulani Palakiko was hot with a capital H - and O and T - and Tara kinda wanted one of those prints. "Aura lucked out and pulled Zabrak, which is going to look great with her skin tone and hairline. Kat is a Miraluka, and you're… whatever you want to be."

"Kat's going as a Miraluka?" Tara found herself fighting the urge to make a terrible joke for a moment before giving in. "I can honestly say I didn't see that coming."

"Neither did she!" Cordelia and Tara shared a laugh at that, only to abruptly go silent as they remembered who they were laughing with, and then shrug it off and start laughing again. When both finally calmed down, Cordelia get Tara a slow and contemplative once-over. "You know, as far as weird wallflower goth girls go, you're really not that bad. Your fashion sense is a little monochromatic, but decent apart from that. You've yet to do something that gives me a reason to dislike you, or at least a reason that would overrule what Kat wants. And clearly you know _Star Wars_ pretty well, although I admit that it doesn't take much to know more than I do. So… idea." Without warning, Cordelia thrust the Togruta prosthetic that she'd been carrying around into Tara's arms, making the smaller girl squeak and fumble to avoid dropping it. "You do Togruta, I do Togruta, and I'll pay for part of yours if you help me figure out a decently _Star Wars_ -y outfit that's not one of these awful brown robes. Or evil. Because I told Kat that I had everything under control but I'm really worried that I'll disappoint her by looking like I'm from a mall near you instead of a galaxy far, far away."

On one hand, Tara had been pondering doing a Togruta for Halloween. Briefly. Before being distracted by Cordelia's story about the prosthetics' origins and then by Kat and then by Cordelia and Kat. It would definitely be fun even if it was a good amount of work, and having someone chip in some money now would leave her more for the rest of her costume. On the other hand… "Why the heck should I help someone who threatened me three times in the last five minutes? Even if her girlfriend seems kinda cool? Tossing me a backhanded compliment doesn't really make up for that, you know."

Cordelia pondered that for a moment before shrugging. "To be fair, I only threatened you once. The other two were simple statements of fact. Let's go." They seemed like awfully threatening statements of fact to her, but… fine. Tara had still been threatened once by Cordelia's logic, which was a perfectly good reason not to cooperate with her plan. But as indignant as Tara was, her longing to be accepted and included was far stronger and so she found herself trailing along obediently behind Cordelia anyway. The taller girl made her way back over to grab another Togruta prosthetic, turning around and holding it in one hand as she used the other to gesture to it excitedly. "Come on. It'll be fun. You can come to the planning sessions. None of the other girls are lesbians or even bi, but the scenery is top notch."

"…are you really trying to low-key pimp your friends to me? In exchange for my help? Especially after threatening me?"

"You can ogle me and Kat too if you want. I'm an equal opportunity terrible person when it comes to this kind of thing."

"Please don't bribe people using my breasts, sweetie. It's weird. And kinda rude."

Wow, Kat had ridiculously good ears if she'd heard Cordelia from all the way over there. Maybe she was like Tara in more ways than one? She didn't feel like a demon… but Tara hadn't realized that Jessica was a vampire until her mother said something, so clearly being able to sense her own kind wasn't something she was terribly good at. When Tara turned away from staring at the back of Kat's head contemplatively, she found herself sputtering in surprise at the sight of Cordelia leaning forward, the brunette's breasts pushed together between her arms. "Oh, for the love of… fine. I'll be a Togruta and help you with your costume too. But no more threatening me. And put those things away."

Straightening up, Cordelia huffed before reaching up to adjust the neckline of her shirt. "Are you sure you're into girls? Because seriously, my breasts are amazing."

…well, she certainly wasn't wrong about that…


	3. Chapter 3

Joe's Note: So, if you followed me all the way back when I wrote and posted _Fall of the Jedi_ , you'll notice that we're straying closer to both it and _Run This Town_ than anything else in this version of the story. The more I reread my own story, the more problematic I found it that Xander and Cordelia were both basically betting on human flesh for their personal amusement. It sorta exploded to the extreme in _Spyncycle_ and _Pyrrhic Victory_ , with bets and counter bets and counter-counter bets that were all sorta gross from the 'friends don't sell friends to their enemies' perspective but also served to make the cast explode to unmanageable levels very quickly. Kat's inclusion in this version both necessitated some changes and made it easier to close up some of the holes created by me removing Xander and his dubious bets. I also felt that sliding Tara into things as a nerdism consultant was more natural than the way she ended up involved in Cordelia's Halloween plans in any of the previous versions that involved both of them. Hope you agree. Enjoy.  
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Eric, DireSquirrel, Kentucky Fried Dragon, Joseph, mpop, RileyWestfall, bloodylord, Luke, Zachary, Marc, Ziryo, Elliot, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Ken, Dimitria, William, Paul, Pat, Warren, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.

* * *

 ** _September 27, 2014_**

* * *

As she slowly backed out of her parking spot, eyes darting up to the rear view mirror to make sure that the pile of boxes lying across the back seat of her Highlander didn't shift in the process, Cordelia did her best to ignore the expression on her girlfriend's face. Instead, she found herself pondering the deal that she'd made with Tara and who'd made out better. The money that she'd given Tara toward her prosthetic was trivial from her perspective; her parents didn't really question her spending and it would have been easy enough to explain away even if they did. Introducing the girl to her friends… eh, she could blame that on Kat. Her friends had accepted 'because my girlfriend wants to and I love her and want to make her happy' as an excuse for why she - and by extension they - were doing _Star Wars_ costumes for Halloween. It would presumably cover why she was making them hang out with an odd and unpopular girl for the next month or so.

In exchange… well, Cordelia loved Kat and wanted to make her happy. The cheerleader knew exactly how seriously her girlfriend took her various forms of geekiness, especially her cosplay. Dropping a bit of money on Tara and then spending some time with someone who - at least so far - hadn't given her a reason to actively dislike her in order to make sure that her Halloween costume met Kat's standards and therefore made her girlfriend happy? That was a no-brainer. And not the Harmony kind of no-brainer, either. A good one.

Flicking her turn signal on, Cordelia drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as she waited for a break in traffic. Then she got bored and launched herself out onto Mono Street, flipping off a guy in a sports car who actually had the audacity to blow his horn at her before signaling again and making a quick left onto South Utah Street, cutting off a minivan that… well, they could afford to wait, Cordelia reckoned. After all, what important plans could someone driving a minivan possibly have? Her moves elicited two panicked squeaks from Kat, the second considerably louder than the first, and Cordelia finally looked over at her girlfriend so that she could offer a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, I got this."

"I swear to God, I'm a better driver than you and I-"

"Don't have a license. Or even a permit. At twenty-four. Which is why I'm driving and you're not."

"Yes. Rub my face in my shortcomings. That's a great way to make me less annoyed with you." Kat slumped down in her seat, wrapping her arms around herself and scowling. As she sat at the intersection waiting for a chance to make a right out onto East 1st Street, Cordelia shot occasional glances over at her girlfriend, wondering what was going on inside the taller girl's head. Finally, just as Cordelia managed to squeeze her SUV into an opening that she probably shouldn't have, Kat spoke again. "You know, I've sorta made my peace with the fact that you're a pretty terrible person. You're my terrible person, and you've never once been terrible to me. But sometimes you do something and it makes it harder for me to stay at peace with it."

Cordelia frowned at that, but decided to wait until after she'd driven the four blocks to the on-ramp and made her way up onto US-101 before nudging the conversation onward. "Is this about me threatening Tara or the boob joke?"

Opening her mouth to reply, Kat sucked in a breath as Cordelia went plowing across all three lanes of traffic before settling into the fast lane. Cordelia offered her girlfriend another confident smile, making Kat shake her head in disgust before offering up a simple answer. "Yes."

Even as her lane decision was vindicated by the right lane veering off to feed the San Bernardino Freeway, Cordelia kept one eye on the car in front of her and the other on her grumpy Kat. "I told Tara that she could look, not that she could touch. What's wrong with that? I look at other girls now and then. You definitely do and are about as subtle as a tank when you do it."

"I would try and argue with you about that last part, but then you'd just use it as an excuse to pull out that stupid video you took of me at Anime California so… whatever." Kat continued to slouch in her seat, eyeing Cordelia balefully as they passed over State Route 110 on the Stacks, continuing in a vaguely northwesterly direction toward the edge of the city and then Sunnydale beyond that. "And fine, we both look. Tara looks too, I'm sure. But there's a difference between Tara looking and you going 'hey Tara, look at this!'. Especially when it's your girlfriend's boobs. You can do whatever you want with your boobs and your friends seem okay with you doing what you want with their boobs, but when I tell you that these boobs are your boobs? That particular relationship privilege comes to a screeching halt when you try to share them with people."

Retrieving her iPhone from where she'd set it in one of the cupholders, Cordelia tapped the wake button before turning her phone so that Kat could see her lock screen: a picture of her girlfriend dressed up as Emma Frost in something that - while not one of the blonde's actual costumes - was still pretty damn revealing. Especially for Kat. "Okay, and if looking is 'sharing' now, you're not 'sharing' them with thousands of people at every con you drag me to?"

Kat plucked the phone from Cordelia's fingers, putting it back to sleep before returning it to the cupholder. "They're mine. I'm allowed to share them if I want. You're not." Silence descended as the SUV rolled on, the dense cityscape of Los Angeles quickly giving way to battered-looking trees mixed with scrubby bushes and the occasional surviving California palm. As seconds became a minute, then five, then ten, Cordelia shot repeated glances at her girlfriend. Finally, Kat met her gaze… and then promptly squeaked, pointing forward frantically. "The road! Eyes on the road!" After letting out a relieved sigh at Cordelia obliged her, Kat fell silent for a bit longer before finally speaking. "Today with Tara just has me thinking… is everything you're doing really necessary? The hiding, the threatening, the excuses, the stories? Would it really be so bad if everyone knew about us?"

Oh. So Kat wasn't necessarily mad at her for threatening Tara so much as mad at her over why Cordelia had threatened Tara. That made much more sense, considering some of the things that had come out of her mouth in the past without her girlfriend so much as blinking. "My family knows, your family knows, my friends know, your friends know… is it really that important to you to have your name next to the 'In a Relationship' on my Facebook?"

"Part of me says that I'm an adult and that I should be above petty things like that even if I'm dating someone who isn't yet. The rest of me wants to know… were the dozen no-neck jocks who came before me more important to you? Because you didn't mind putting them there." Kat shrugged as she dug her iPhone and headphones out of her purse, slipping them on before opening the Music app. Even as muffled music began to radiate outward, pointedly ending their conversation, Kat offered a parting shot. "Just saying."

* * *

"Do you think we should buckle it in or something?"

Tara stared at the tall - or rather long, now that it was lying on its side - box that stretched across the back seat of her mother's Camry and shook her head. "It can't be that fragile, can it? I mean, if I'm supposed to wear it around for Halloween, it should be able to survive a bit of bouncing and wiggling on the drive home. Just don't drive like you're trying out for NASCAR or anything."

Letting out an aggrieved sigh, Rebecca slammed the left rear door of the sedan shut. "If you insist. Before we leave, though, are you sure you don't want to get your paint here? There's no way for this to work out so you end up not needing it. The longer you wait, the worse they're going to gouge you."

"I know, but I forgot to mention it to Cordelia before she left and I didn't get her number because I see her in class every day. Not that I have a cell phone I could use to call her and ask even if I had…" Her mother stuck her tongue out at that, making Tara grin. The ongoing discussion had recently shifted from the idea of Tara getting an after-school job so she could afford a cell phone and have some spending money to the possibility of her diverting some of her Halloween money to pay for one, but so far her mother was remaining adamantly anti-phone. Up until now, it hadn't really been an issue. If she was going to start making friends and doing stuff other than going to school and coming straight home, on the other hand? Tara shook her head. Discussion for another time. Looking over at California Costume Collections, she nibbled on her lower lip. "I suppose I could buy paint for both of us and ask her to pay me back, but I don't have a picture of a Togruta on me - which I could look up if I had a smartphone, might I add - and so I might not get the right colors. Cordelia might not like it and could refuse to pay for it, and so then I'd be stuck with twice as much paint as I need and-"

A piercing whistle cut off Tara and she looked over the roof of the car at where her mother was making a 'T' with her hands. "Okay, woah, slow down. Firstly, I have two words for you, Tare-bear: 'de' and 'caf'. Secondly, if it's that big a deal, we can take care of it later. When you told me you were working with her, I thought you were just going to be giving her some advice, not full on collaboration." There was a momentary lull in the conversation as they got in the car but as Rebecca started the car, she shot her daughter a look that Tara wasn't quite sure she liked. "So, speaking of Cordelia… is it just me or are you starting to develop a type? Tall, buxom, out of your league… granted Courtney's got a few cup sizes on your new best friend, but I'm not sure they make regular humans with her measurements."

It took Tara a moment to process what her mother was saying and then her cheeks exploded with a blush red enough to rival a Coke can. "Mama!" Leaning across the center console, she punched the snickering woman on the shoulder. "First of all, telling me people are out of my league can't be good for my self-esteem. Second, I think she's pretty but I'm not in like with her or anything. Because you're right, she is out of my league. In more ways than one. First of all, she has a girlfriend. A really nice, really pretty girlfriend. Secondly, she's a rich preppy cheerleader whose outfits generally cost about as much as we spent on all my school clothes put together. Thirdly, she's pretty and I'm not. Fourthly… is it fourthly? I've never tried to go this far. At any rate, she's human and I'm the walking shish kebaber. There are so many reasons why it would never…" Her mother shot her a disbelieving look, making Tara trail off before huffing and glaring back at her. "Seriously, stop. She literally only asked me for help because she wants to impress her girlfriend. I only said yes because it'll give me a chance to actually socialize for once. There is nothing going on between us. At all."

"So you'd help out any pretty girl who threatened you? Cordelia's not special at all?"

Tara huffed, turning to stare out the window. Her mother could believe whatever she wanted; Tara knew why she'd done what she'd done. And it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Cordelia had been the subject of more than a few idle fantasies and daydreams since she first arrived in Sunnydale. None. At all. "Alright, so, I also couldn't help but notice a conspicuous lack of costume being purchased. What exactly is your plan here? Or are you going out as an alien high school goth girl for Halloween?"

Tara nodded albeit hesitantly; she had what she was pretty sure was a great idea for the rest of her costume, especially given the general tenor of the ideas that she and Cordelia had batted around for the cheerleader's outfit while waiting in line at the register. But given her mother's ability to embarrass her, she wasn't so sure she wanted to share it anymore. On the other hand, she wasn't stupid enough to believe she could hide anything from her mother for long, much less until the end of the month. Especially given that her mother - well, technically her father but her mother had been the one to steal the money and pass it on - was financing the whole thing. "Well… Cordelia and I were talking and she seems to like the idea of going as a Jedi healer. Meaning lots of white, probably with some silver. So I was thinking being a Jedi shadow and wearing black, just so our costumes are as far apart as possible for two Togruta? Maybe, um, in leather?"

There was absolute silence in the car as Rebecca made the right turn out onto the street and began heading back towards the highway, silence that lasted until they made a left onto the on-ramp that led up to the 101… which Tara still thought was a strange name for a highway. 'The 101'. The hundred and one… what exactly? Dalmatians? A snicker shook Tara from her thoughts and she looked over at her mother curiously. "So… you spent some time chatting up a very pretty girl from your school, who has a girlfriend that you also think is pretty and seemed to get along with. You've decided to coordinate your Halloween costume with theirs, and now suddenly you're talking about buying something in black leather to wear for the night. Are you sure this isn't going to turn into some sort of polyamory-type deal?"

"Mama!"

* * *

 ** _September 29, 2014_**

* * *

"Okay, I'll be That Person and ask what I'm pretty sure we're all wondering: why is No-lay here?"

"Well, she's not getting any and you'll fuck anybody, Harm… can you guess where I'm going with this?" As Tara blushed and Harmony Kendall let out an offended screech that drew the entire coffee shop's attention over to their table, Cordelia rolled her eyes before waving dismissively. "Kidding. God. If I was going to hook Tara up with somebody, I'd make sure it was someone she wouldn't catch an STD from."

Clearing her throat and interrupting what undoubtedly would have been a pitiful retort on Harmony's part, Hokulani Palakiko set her frappuccino down on the table before raising an eyebrow. "It's a valid question. Not the part where she insults… Tara, right? Tara. But while I'm pretty sure 'why are we here?' can be answered with 'Halloween costume discussion', I'm just as curious about what the answer to 'why is she here?' is."

Cordelia glanced over at Tara, waiting for the black-haired girl to meet her eyes before nodding in Lani's direction. When Tara shook her head rapidly in response, eyes going wide in terror, Cordelia sighed loudly before answering the question herself. "She's my wardrobe consultant for Halloween. I kinda wanna impress Kat, kinda don't want to ask her for help because that'd make the final result a lot less impressive. Kat and I ran into Tara while we were in Los Angeles picking up stuff for our costumes. Kat likes her, and it turns out that Tara knows _Star Wars_ pretty well too. So I offered to let her tag along with the cool kids for Halloween if she made sure that I looked awesome for my girlfriend."

"…so now thanks to Kat, we're stuck dressing as alien girls for Halloween and have to hang out with a loser to boot?" Burying her face in her hands, Aphrodesia Michaelis let out an aggrieved sigh before peeking over the tops of her fingers at the other girls sharing the table with her. "Does anybody else miss the days when Cordelia just stole our boyfriends and destroyed our self-esteem? Show of hands?" When nobody joined Aphrodesia in raising their hand, the blonde groaned and slumped back into her seat, crossing her arms over her chest petulantly. "Whatever. You know you do. Seriously, though… Tara, I'm sure you're a great person and all but… well… one of these things is not like the others? One of these things just doesn't belong?"

There were actually so many ways to fire back at Aphrodesia's comment that Cordelia actually had to pause for a second and figure out which one was best. Finally, she decided to go for one of the blonde's biggest weak points: her consistently poor grades. "Well yeah. Unlike you and Harmony and Aura, she's actually passing all of her classes right now." Even as Aphrodesia sputtered impotently, Aura offered a laconic shrug and mouthed 'that's fair'. Turning her attention to her favorite punching bag, Cordelia arched an eyebrow imperiously. "Just out of curiosity, do you have a plan for Halloween yet? Or were you thinking you were going to paint yourself pink, toss on a blue wig, and go out in your street clothes? And before you answer that, keep in mind that Tara is here right now because I obviously do not think that's an acceptable costume for Halloween."

Harmony opened her mouth to respond, only to pause and nibble her lower lip uncertainly as her brain actually caught up with Cordelia's words. It took her longer than the brunette expected for Harmony to realize that she was screwed, the blonde sighing despondently as he looked over at Tara. "I'm going to have to suck up to you so that you'll help me out, aren't I?"

"You're probably not going to hear this again for a while… but no, Harmony, what I want from you doesn't involve sucking." Tara delivered the line so smoothly that Cordelia was caught off-guard, spraying a mouthful of green tea across the table and all over Harmony's blouse before dissolving into a mixture of coughs and chuckles. Holy… fucking… shit! Sadly, the dark-haired girl had to ruin her truly savage takedown by blushing profusely, ducking her head for a few seconds as she wrung her hands nervously before looking back up at Harmony and apologizing. "I am so, so sorry. I was thinking that but I shouldn't have said it." Yes. Yes she should have. Because it was hilarious. "I was actually thinking that maybe we could help each other out. You help me figure out makeup for my costume, I'll help you figure out your costume? Maybe… think that over while you go hug the hand dryer?" Nodding jerkily, Harmony shot to her feet and shot Cordelia a look of pure loathing before stalking off toward the rear of the Starbucks. "Oh my Goddess. I can't believe I did that."

Still chuckling lowly, Cordelia reached over and patted the girl on the shoulder. "Me neither. It was awesome, though. Remind me to get your sizes before we leave; I want to buy you something cute. Haven't had a laugh like that in forever." Even as Tara continued to blush, tipping her head forward so she could hide behind her long black hair again, Cordelia turned her attention to Aphrodesia. "And then there were three."

After giving Tara a disdainful once-over, Aphrodesia met Cordelia's gaze and shook her head. "That's not going to work on me. I know what Jedi look like, even the girl Jedi. I also know how to use Etsy. I'm gonna be just fine, thank you very much. Or as fine as I can be now that I've been roped into this stupidity."

"Yes, because you can definitely see me of all people wearing something even remotely resembling those hideous brown Jedi robes out in public. Clearly, that's not just the best option for a Halloween outfit, it's the only option." Aphrodesia frowned in consternation, presumably trying to figure out where her brilliant plan had gone wrong, making Cordelia smirk victoriously. "Just agree to do whatever Tara wants and I'll let her bail you out too. The same goes for the rest of you, by the way. I'm feeling generous today; I'll share my cute girl nerd instead of making you go find your own."

Even as Aphrodesia and Aura leaned toward each other, lowering their voices past what Cordelia could easily catch over the ambient noise of the coffee shop, Lani rose to her feet and made her way over to sit on the edge of the table between Cordelia and Tara. "On one hand, I wouldn't mind the help. Obviously not with my costume because that's all taken care of at this point, but you obviously know enough about _Star Wars_ to be useful in the grander scheme of things. On the other hand? I looked her up on Facebook while you were bringing a gun to Harmony and Aphrodesia's verbal knife fights. Tara, your profile picture is you at LA Pride back in June. Between that and the fact that you donated fifty dollars to my GoFundMe, can you understand why I'm iffy on this whole 'whatever Tara wants' thing?"

"That's fair. And I'll be honest, I do kinda have a crush on you… which probably doesn't help my case any. But at the end of the day?" Tara leaned to one side, nodding past Lani at Harmony's empty seat. "The only reason I wanted to make a deal with her at all is because I'm terrible at putting on makeup and Harmony… well, she's bad at a lot of things but makeup isn't one of them. I'm not made out of money so I can't pay her for her help, but if she helps me and I help her then we both win. Aura and Aphrodesia? I'd help them both for free if they were interested in acting like civilized human beings to me. Since they're not, I'm okay with Cordelia treating them this way. From what I've seen of you at school, you're a better person than they are and so… maybe we can actually try the friend helping friend approach that they won't?"

Lani seemed to consider that for several seconds, which made Cordelia more than a little nervous. They were more awkward allies than true Cordelia and Cordette; given that she came from a fairly well-off family and was captain of a team, she was closer to being Cordelia's peer than anyone else at Sunnydale High School. If she decided not to take Tara up on her offer, Cordelia couldn't think of another way to force the two into proximity so that she could honor her half of the deal she'd made with Tara. In the end, the slender Hawaiian offered Tara a soft smile and Cordelia breathed a sigh of relief. "Maybe we can… but not today. I was just stopping by to be polite; Cordelia doesn't own me the way she owns the others and we have a meet tomorrow. I want to get in a little extra time in the pool even if the rest of the girls are taking the day off." With that, Lani slid off the edge of the table and circled around Cordelia, grabbing her frappuccino and heading for the door.

Leaving Aphrodesia and Aura to their increasingly animated discussion, Cordelia and Tara took the time to watch Lani's retreating figure until it passed through the door and disappeared from sight before turning to each other. Cordelia offered the faintly blushing girl a grin; despite her overall litheness, Lani had ass for days and she definitely wasn't going to fault Tara for looking. Not wanting to give the silence a chance to get awkward, Cordelia settled onto what she thought would be a safe topic. "The sucking joke. Seriously, that was awesome. I loved it."

"You would." Tara leaned back in her seat, shaking her head slowly. "I'm supposed to be better than that. That's what my Mama always tells me. It's okay to be upset when people treat you badly, it's okay to be angry… but if you act like them, then you're just as bad as them." How… quaint. Admirable, but Cordelia had never met someone who stopped picking on people just because someone was nice to them. You either hit back hard enough to make the person seek easier prey, or they'd just keep coming. But given that 'your mother is an idiot and this is why' was seldom a conversation that ended well for her? Cordelia found herself searching for a safer topic, only to have Tara redirect things for her. "So, what are the odds that I'm going to get stuck helping all your friends?"

Cordelia looked from Tara to where Aphrodesia and Aura were still arguing, up to offer the returning Harmony an apologetic smile, and then finally back to Tara before shrugging. "Considering I barely know anything about _Star Wars_ and they know even less? If they don't agree to it, I'll probably force them to. That whole 'I want my girlfriend to have a good time and that means looking presentable' thing that got you roped into this in the first place." Tara didn't exactly look pleased with that and so Cordelia leaned closer, lowering her voice. "Aphrodesia may be a bitch, but she's a hot bitch. Imagine if you could talk her into going as Aayla Secura for Halloween or something…"

The corner of Tara's mouth quirked upward. "If I don't respond for the next minute or two, it's because I am. Imagining it, I mean."


End file.
